Was it really a surprise to learn that more than 80 couples filed for divorce immediately after being released from China? Being together 24/7 is something we rarely experience for a significant period of time, maybe just around Christmas or on vacation, and then there are usually outside distractions.
So in these extraordinary times, let’s consider ways to help your relationship survive COVID-19.
– Accept that there will be good and bad days. Everyone has been affected by this pandemic. From the loss of people you know, your job, your business, your health, it is also the uncertainty of how long this time will last and the long-term implications that can make our minds run in hypothetical scenarios and cause mood swings. Accept that if your partner has a ‘breakdown’ it’s not automatically about you, so don’t take it personally.
– Talk to each other. Communication is essential at a time like this. Don’t stop silently in your situation, but don’t hold back on how you feel either. Keep talking. Everything is different from normal. Our eating habits, alcohol and coffee consumption, exercise, social life, and sleeping patterns have probably changed. Each has an impact on our mental and physical health and well-being.
– Allow yourself to be ‘pushed’ sometimes. If your partner is in a good place, does not want to hear the negativity, says, ‘leave it for now’ or ‘leave the misery’, be prepared sometimes to accept that. Try to let your good humor seep down to you.
– Stay connected and talk to others. to your family and friends. It is helpful to discover that many people share your fears and concerns and are experiencing similar irritations within their relationships. Maybe join online sites and chat rooms where you can share coping tips or be receptive to the many activities and interests available. Maybe host group talks, virtual dinners, coffee mornings, or book clubs where you can socialize and enjoy the company of a variety of people and activities.
– Agree to give each other space and not do everything together. There are times when one can do the shopping, walk the dog, do some work, go to read or relax in a bath and enjoy some time alone. Again, it’s not personal, but it allows each space to ‘stay warm’ together for a while.
– Enjoy separate hobbies or interests. You may want to study or be interested in pursuing a hobby you don’t normally have time for. Give them the opportunity to spend time on this while they can.
– Find new activities that you can do together., something in which both have expressed interest. Maybe you plan a special post-COVID-19 vacation, or check out your music catalog, your old photographs, the games you used to play; You can find hours of fun, laughter, and nostalgia to help your relationship survive COVID-19.
– When we are confined to our homes And away from all that is routine and familiar, it is understandable that someone erupts from time to time! Many of us feel like we have little or no control. Our family structure, work, exercise routine, social structure have disappeared almost overnight. Sorry for the occasional outburst. But if it happens more often, try to discuss what happened next, when things are quiet.
– Be patient with each other. Accept that it’s often the little things that cause the biggest irritations. A big grievance is most likely being discussed at that point, while smaller things like not emptying trash cans, leaving a dirty mug on the table, not offering to make a drink could trigger underlying frustrations and annoyances. If this happens, try taking a step back and agree to discuss it at a less tense time.
– Maybe agree on a ‘time out’ word, phrase or action that can be used to create a pause if things seem too hot. Then separate for a while. Maybe you go for a walk, cool off, spend time in the garden. Yes, sometimes, particularly in these unprecedented days, we need to ignore some things and not comment or criticize everything that offends or we do not like. But if rudeness or temper outbursts occur more frequently, you need to consider what your options are. It may be helpful to discuss issues with family, friends, or use the helpline support.
– Could alcohol be a factor? Alcohol sales have definitely increased, as has sugar and candy consumption and time spent on gambling and porn sites. Again, mental and physical health, daily exercise, perhaps a walk outside, getting up regularly at the same time, showering, and maintaining a healthy routine all support good health, sleep, and a better focus on their relation.
– If money is a problem Perhaps you will negotiate a weekly or monthly allowance for everyone to spend on their own whims, with the agreement that no comments or questions are asked.
– Decide not to let the children dominate every waking moment. Some families insist that their homeschooled children wear school uniforms so they are clear that this is not an additional unplanned holiday. Plan your lessons, but also schedule online exercise classes, craft jobs, reading, homework so you have a quiet time during the day and don’t feel exhausted at night.
This period of confinement could be the time for you to bond, reinforce your love, closeness and connection, capable of creating many good memories along the way. A little thought, consideration, and sensitivity can help your relationship survive COVID-19.