Where does anger come from? No, not what happens, but what we think about what happens; of our opinion about what happens. Without an opinion, what happens is just what happens. As Shakespeare said, “There is nothing right or wrong. Thinking makes it so.”
All experience comes through the three principles: mind, thought and consciousness. No mind, no experience. No thought, no experience. No awareness, no experience. Until people realize this fact, they will feel like helpless victims of circumstances. However, when people realize the truth that their experience comes exclusively from the mind, thought and consciousness, they no longer feel helpless victims of what happens.
Let’s go back to anger management. It follows that anger is nothing more than the experience of our thinking and opinions. Therefore, there is no “real cause” of anger “out there.” We are making it up. To change our experience we just need to change our mind. When our mind changes, our experience changes.
If anger comes from our own mind, what is there in the mind that makes us feel angry? What are we thinking? Condemnation! All condemnation comes with wrath. No condemnation, no anger.
If we have to change our minds to change our experience, and if anger comes from condemnation, what releases us from anger? Sorry.
Remember a time when you forgave or were forgiven. Take your time. Let it come to you. How many times have you been forgiven and been forgiven? It is not necessary to count, simply allow yourself to be aware of a time, of the many times that you have forgiven and have been forgiven. OKAY? Is there? Are you feeling that nice feeling? Do you feel the experience of forgiving and being forgiven?
Where is the anger now? This is the essence of anger management.
In fact, there is nothing to deal with once you have forgiven. However, until you forgive, as long as you condemn and justify your conviction, you may have to control your impulses to get revenge, to get justice. Retribution always comes with risks, negative side effects and complications. It requires us to manage our anger to avoid the dangerous side effects of acting out, or to be very careful to avoid the dangers of taking revenge.
A change of heart, forgiveness, has no adverse side effects, no risks, no negative consequences. It spares us the need to control our anger, because we don’t spend time justifying it. Rather, we spend our time seeking and opening ourselves to a change of heart, a change of perspective, which is forgiveness.
Once again, we are all free to decide. We have free will. We are free to choose the path of condemnation, anger and “payola”, or we can choose the path of forgiveness, good feeling and generosity. The latter is impossible when we believe that our feelings come from what others do or do not do; about what is happening.
When people realize that their feelings are “the shadows of their thoughts,” as George Pransky of Pransky and Associates put it, they see that the mind, thought, and consciousness are the only sources of their experience and are more motivated and likely to look for the solution to their anger in a change of heart (forgiveness), than in retribution.