Taking into account the reality of loss in tort,
To experience the reality of relief,
It means that we cannot speed up, stifle or postpone,
That grievance that means a reality we groan.

***

Pain is a reality that I am positively sure that God intended for our good in this broken world of ours. I can say this having been touched by God in the grievance eleven years ago, knowing that in the pain of that reality where I moaned day after day, month after month, there was a relief that could only come from God. Such relief was available for the moment of trust. Such relief was ultimately also, from a current point of view, a sustainable relief.

God affirms us in our growth and development, probably never more than through the tests of colliding realities that seem evil, burdensome and harsh; however, its purpose is divine.

Catch-22 is, the moment we start to get mad at God, and worse, stay mad, is the moment we start to lose our way. Moaning has the purpose of him. If we can lose our life in the present torment, we gain a lot of ground to endure future moments of torment.

I don’t think there is any ‘rocket science’ to learning to accept grievance. We all experience losses and everyone’s losses are relative. Only we can experience them. But if we accept loss, with the faith of a child, as it comes, as best we can, because none of us handles injury well while learning, then God will bless that response with growth.

Such growth in resilience to the realities of grievances is never an overnight process, but it certainly does happen. We are not only more resilient, but more determined; not only stronger, but softer; not only more obedient, but also more compassionate.

It really doesn’t surprise me (and neither does Sarah) that I was able to walk alone one morning, in the week of my dear son’s passing, and experience the fullness of God’s joy. People may think it’s remarkable, but we always read people’s complaints through our own experience and perception. All of our experiences of loss and injury are different.

When I say I’m fine, I mean I want to embrace the pain as it happens, and in between moments, I’m content to feel normal.

Whether I feel ‘normal’ or sad, God’s grace is enough; the Lord still rules my reality, so “it’s okay.”

***

We are not afraid of the heartbreaking, sobbing sadness that we are bound to feel. It is our reality. God is with us; he is for us and not against us. We know that God can use our reality for his purposes, even now, when we are brave enough to endure reality.

© 2014 SJ Wickham.

While I was writing most of these words, Nathaniel was with us in the room.