How do you heal and recover from the loss of a loved one, especially if there are young children to consider? Even if someone has been sick for a while and it could be argued that there was time to prepare, it is still devastating when their time finally comes. We adapt fairly quickly to the deterioration of your health situation and incorporate your needs into our daily routine.

Although we may think that we are ready when the time comes, to think that we have grieved and worked through acceptance, that we have healed a little, perhaps even a little relieved that their suffering is finally over, there is often still an unexpected feeling. of emptiness and loss when they are gone.

Becoming a single parent often throws a plethora of practical considerations into the mix. Many couples automatically share family duties and responsibilities, one managing finances and the other perhaps taking care of the day-to-day running of the house, such as cooking, cleaning, doing laundry.

It may be that becoming a single parent means being thrown into the deep end and suddenly having to take full responsibility for the children’s schedules and commitments. Not only have they lost their life partner, but they also have to review their domestic and work situation to support and accommodate these important demands.

Family and friends can initially offer practical help and support, easing the transition during those first numb days. But they are unlikely to exist forever and some gaps need to be filled fairly quickly.

A new single parent may have little time to fully appreciate how devastated, angry, lost, and alone they feel until they are lying alone in bed for the first few hours feeling bereft, or when they are driving somewhere on their own, watching the night. TV. and a memory is triggered or they want to share or ask something, only to suddenly realize that this is no longer possible.

Let’s look at the pain and the single parent.

– Normality, especially for children, it is fundamental and often the main focus. An important way to help children readjust and adjust is to provide ongoing security and a family routine, ideally staying in the family home and school. Keep existing routines as much as possible and encourage them to talk, share, and ask questions, either together as a family or individually. Children are ultra-sensitive and may not want to cause further distress. Lead by example, admit it if you’re upset, but also provide important reassurance. Avoid sharing too much with very young children, but don’t lie, hide, or hide either.

– Can your grandparents provide time, love, attention and a listening ear? Grandparents can sometimes be an important source of comfort for children, being available for childcare, picking them up from school, and sometimes providing reassurance by being a trusted confidant or answering questions if a child does not want to annoy or distress his parents. They may also be able to help out a little financially, if needed.

– Be prepared to accept help. Often times, people are willing to step in, offer help, and go out of their way to provide support. Be nice and accept the casserole, the invitation to have a coffee and a chat, or help out with school runs. Let people come in as a welcome part of your team.

– Don’t be too proud to order what you need. People, but may not want to interfere, meddle, or overshoot the mark. They may not know what you need and are waiting for a sign from you, or they may think you are doing it right.

– Try to have some time to yourself. An occasional walk, a round of golf, an evening pampering, or a drink with a friend is important. It allows you to reconnect with yourself for an hour or two.

Consider therapy If you feel you are having difficulties, which is usually available privately or through your GP. Even an online forum can be an effective way to “own your stuff”, start taking control, deal with any issues, and take time to heal and move on. Knowing that you are not alone can improve your mindset and perspective, while forums offer places to chat, share advice, make friends, and get support from people in similar situations.

– Serve as a liaison with the children’s schools. and stay informed about their behavior and performance, so you can quickly know if there are problems that need to be monitored and intercepted. Some children may need extra support, a place to go if they feel overwhelmed or vulnerable.

By providing love, understanding, and sensitivity, hopefully you can come together and form a strong family bond during this fragile time.