Many people don’t realize that jealousy is a form of control in a relationship. At first, the object of jealousy may feel like a compliment. In the end, most people realize that jealousy has nothing to do with receiving compliments and everything to do with control. Let’s take a look at a common example of how jealousy can turn into an unhealthy, obsessive type of relationship.

Let’s take the story of a fictional woman named Susan. Susan meets a nice and caring new man named Steve. Steve showers her with affection, sends her flowers, and shows up unexpectedly at her work to take her to lunch. All of Susan’s friends are impressed with her new boyfriend. In fact, they seem a bit jealous of the fact that she has a seemingly chivalrous and romantic new guy. Susan likes him too, although she starts to feel a bit uneasy when Steve keeps showing up unannounced.

As they start dating, Susan realizes that Steve is a bit jealous. For example, they are out for dinner one night when she runs into an old friend from high school who turns out to be a man. After chatting with her friend for a few minutes and giving her a quick goodbye hug, Steve repeatedly questions Susan about her history with this person. Although she assures him that they were just friends, he doesn’t seem to believe her. Even though it’s been over 15 years since he’s seen this person, Steve still seems to be focused on his jealousy over the chance meeting.

This is just one example of the jealousy Susan experiences with her new boyfriend. Over time, her jealousy becomes so severe that Susan begins to limit her contact with friends and family. She feels a bit isolated, but she doesn’t want Steve to get jealous of her. Then she really starts to realize that her jealousy isn’t really a compliment to her. Instead, it is her way of controlling her relationship. If she continues to date him, it is likely that she will become increasingly isolated from her friends and maybe even her family, due to his constant questions when she sees someone.

You can clearly see how jealousy can turn into a very controlling relationship. When someone is jealous, it indicates that they have a self-esteem problem. It really has nothing to do with you as a person. However, staying with a jealous person is likely to get worse rather than better. Unless they get professional help, the relationship will almost always be unhealthy.