While there are some men who have a strong sense of self, there are others who don’t, and this may be because of what happened when they were younger. Another way of looking at this would be to say that this is because of what didn’t happen.

Neglect

For someone to become an interdependent human being, they will need to receive the right kind of care. So if a man’s developmental needs were met early in his life, it may mean that he will have a strong sense of self.

Conversely, if your developmental needs were not met during this time, it may mean that you will have a weak sense of self. This can be the difference between a man being able to live his own life and being nothing more than an extension of other people.

previous

If a man received the proper attention and was able to develop his own sense of self, he is likely to have good boundaries. He will be aware of his own needs and will also feel safe enough to meet them.

As a result of this, there is a chance that you will have a fulfilling career and might even be in a relationship. If you are with someone, you will probably be able to fully commit to this person.

The latter

However, if a man didn’t get the right type and ended up with a weak sense of self, he could have poor boundaries. This could mean that he won’t even be aware of his own needs and, if he is, he will rarely feel safe enough to meet them.

Because of this, you may have a career that is not very fulfilling; that is, of course, if you have a career. This could mean that he will be single, or it could be with someone he can’t fully commit to.

Caught up

From the outside, it may appear that you are in a relationship, but that will be nothing more than an illusion. Physically you will be with someone, but mentally and emotionally you will be somewhere else.

The reason why he won’t be fully available is because he is still attached to his mother. This is the person who will be in control of what he does or doesn’t do, and that’s why he can’t live his own life.

a closer look

Having said that, this does not mean that the man is completely powerless, as he is not this black and white. However, since the man is probably emotionally underdeveloped, he may feel that he is out of control.

When he was younger, his mother will have used him to satisfy her own needs, and this will have caused him to become disconnected from his true self. Consequently, he would have come to be ashamed of his own needs, and therefore he will feel guilty if he is not there for his mother.

conflict

He will believe, and this will be supported by how he feels, that he is responsible for his mother. So even though she is his son, he will be more like his father, and when he was younger, there is a possibility that she was his surrogate spouse.

So time has passed, but he is still going to fulfill a role that he is not on this planet to fulfill. It’s possible that her father didn’t exist when he was younger, or that he simply wasn’t emotionally available.

conflict

Therefore, while he might have felt special during this time, he was simply being used by his mother. This does not mean that he is completely comfortable with this, as he is likely to experience anger and even rage from time to time.

But when you get in touch with your true feelings, there will be guilt and shame, and you might even fear rejection and abandonment. It is likely that the trauma he experienced as a child is controlling him, as opposed to what his mother may do to him now that he is an adult.

a side

On one hand, it’s going to be what a man like this has to deal with, and on the other hand, there’s going to be the effect this has on the women he ends up with. It’s only going to be possible for a woman to get that close to him.

They will soon see that their mother’s needs are much more important than their own, and this can make her feel angry, frustrated, and ignored, among other things. Still, that doesn’t mean she’ll go ahead and find someone else.

a perspective

If a woman ends up with a man having an affair with her mother, it may be normal for her to believe that this is something that just happened. If this is the case, it may mean that she will focus on him and do what she can to change him.

The problem with this approach is that it can mean you’ll miss what’s going on inside of it. If you were to look at what’s happening to it, you might find that it’s not available either.

Two sides

On one level, being with a man like this will cause her pain, but on a deeper level, this could be something that feels safe. The men she comes into contact with are likely to have a strong fear of being suffocated, in addition to the fear of being abandoned; while it is likely that she has a strong fear of being abandoned, along with the fear of being suffocated.

If she were to attract a man who is completely available, then she might bring up her fear of being suffocated. Maybe she is too close to her father or maybe it is her mother.

Awareness

What this illustrates is how vital it is for someone to not only focus on what is happening externally, but also to focus on what is happening internally. Like if they only focus on what is happening to someone else, it can cause them to miss the part they are playing.

And when this happens, it will prevent them from being able to change their life. If a woman has a tendency to attract unavailable men, it might be a good idea for her to seek outside support.

This is something that a therapist or a healer can provide.