I admit that my target audience is faithful wives. This makes sense. This is the position I was in myself, so I write from that perspective. It’s easy for me to speak from the heart because I relate very easily to many of the people who read my articles. I guess that’s why sometimes spouses who have had the occasional fling also reach out to me. They want to hear from someone who might share the same perspective as their spouse. They want information about what their spouse might be feeling (or about what their spouse might want or need to move forward).

A very common question I get from the cheating spouse is why does the faithful spouse need to know everything? Why does he ask so many questions? And why does he keep asking the same questions over and over again when an answer has already been given? Here’s what a husband might say: “I like to think I’ve tried to be honest with my wife about it. I confessed. I told her as much as I could. I honestly don’t know why I acted this way. I’m ashamed.” , but I admitted it. I thought if I was honest and answered her questions, we could move on. But she doesn’t seem to want to move on. Because she can I keep asking questions. There are more questions every day. Some of the questions I have answered several times times. I try to be patient, but I admit I’m certainly not as patient as I used to be because this just wears me out. It seems to go on forever. Why do women ask so many questions about affair?

There are multiple reasons, but it really boils down to this: they are desperately trying to understand. And they are trying to determine what happens now. I know it’s frustrating for you to be asked the same thing in multiple ways. But frankly we keep asking because the answer we got earlier doesn’t make sense or we’re still trying to piece this all together to know exactly what we’re up against. We are well aware of the fact that our husbands do not have their motivations figured out, which is why we are trying to figure it out for him (and for us). We want to know what led you to this. We want to know if it is preventable in the future (assuming we want to save our marriage). We want to understand his thought process because we want to know if he can be rehabbed. We don’t want to go through this ever again, so we want to have all the information available so that we can fully assess the best way forward.

We know that you are tired of the questions. It’s just that our need for information seems more important right now than your fatigue. I’m not trying to be funny or disrespectful, but I can’t overstate how much wives want enough information to really understand what they’re dealing with. They don’t want to make the decision to stay or go and have it be the wrong decision. At the same time, it hurts so much that they doubt their ability to process all this information at once, which is why they ask again and again.

So what does all this mean to you? To get some relief, you’ll need to help her process all of this information in a meaningful way so you don’t keep hanging around. You can do this through advice or good self-help resources that allow you to check off what you’ve covered. You can also agree that at a certain time, she can ask you whatever she wants during a specific period of time. For example, maybe on Sunday afternoons, they discuss it for five minutes. This lets her know that you’ll listen, so she won’t feel as much of a need to bombard you with questions at random times.

Honestly, she probably doesn’t like all the questions either. I know I didn’t. She hated having to ask the questions. She hated the insecure feeling of having to sit there and prepare for the answers. But ignoring what really happened is also a horrible feeling. So try to put yourself in her shoes and help her understand what she really wants to know. It’s really simpler than you think. She wants to know why this happened. And she wants to know what is the best strategy for her to move forward. She wants the information to help her decide these two things. She tries to remember that this is not her fault. She just needs the information for something she didn’t get going. She’s the innocent part, here. So as repetitive and tedious as she is to answer the questions, she had better be patient and try to be very clear and not evasive. The sooner you make things as clear as possible by being as honest as possible, the sooner the questions will start popping up. If you think you’ve already done it, keep it up. Patience is one of the most important attributes you can have right now.