Is it Win All?

There is a lot to be said for winning, and based on the title of the article, you would think that winning is not important. Let me be clear and say that winning is significant, for all the right reasons. Winning is sometimes pursued for selfish reasons by validating a person’s self-worth. I have coached countless athletes over the years and remember that on the occasions when they were injured, their self-esteem took a hit. When they retired from the sport due to injury or for some other reason, it took them a long time to regain their self-esteem. So, if we only associate winning with our self-esteem, we are winning for the wrong reasons and that is why I say: winning is not everything, nor is it the only thing. What are your impressions about winning? Do you relate it to your self-esteem?

Last weekend, I attended my nephew’s final basketball game. This was his first season playing basketball and his team was lucky enough to make it to the finals. I attended most of his games throughout the season and was impressed with the teamwork the youngster showed. As with children who play sports, parents were more interested in the outcome. Unfortunately, they lost the final because the other team was stronger with noticeably taller players, which, as you know, in basketball is a contributing factor. What’s interesting is the conversation I had with my nephew while he was driving home from the game. To appeal to him after the loss, I offered him some wisdom by saying, “Someone has to lose.” The point he was trying to make is that we don’t always win and we can learn valuable lessons by losing. Surprisingly, he responded with a well-known quote attributed to football coach Vince Lombardi that said, “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.”

Some are of the opinion that winning is everything and if we subscribe to this way of thinking, we will miss out on the growth that comes with losing. I don’t mean to say that losing is something we aim for. I am suggesting that winning and losing have a purpose if we are aware of what they bring to our lives. For example, what have been your biggest lessons from losing? I don’t mean just sports, but other areas of life. I have learned: humility, patience, tenacity and perseverance to lose. These are qualities that he would not have gained if he had won. If we consider that winning is everything, we perceive life through a narrow filter because the greatest victories in life can often come from failure. Some of you are familiar with former Chicago Bulls basketball player Michael Jordan’s junior career and how he shaped his destiny to be a winner. The point I want to convey is that losing can be a powerful motivator and precursor to winning.

Winning can only take us so far

For my nephew, losing meant shame, humiliation, and a blow to his self-esteem. And it makes sense that he would think this way when he was a child, however, as adults, we must teach children the value of losing in order to sharpen the saw of their character, as author Stephen R. Covey wrote in 7 habits of highly effective people. Losing can help us develop our skills and passions so that we appreciate what is important to us. It helps us narrow our focus and let go of anything that competes for our attention. Losing is essential if we are open to the lessons it conveys. If we associate losing with our self-esteem, we become addicted to winning and lose sight of our true motives. Can you see that while winning is important, we must also be familiar with losing to support our reason for winning?

Sometimes winning can disturb our lives if we pursue it with bad intentions. There have been notable sports heroes over the years whose lives were derailed by winning all the time. Some turned to: illegal drug use, reckless driving, public misconduct, and marital issues, to name a few. They believed themselves invincible and considered themselves only winners and not human beings with the ability to win. I can list a dozen sports heroes whose lives have been ruined by winning, but that’s not the point of this article. Winning can only take us so far, and unless we keep winning, the only way is down. Losing gives us the gift of climbing the ladder of excellence while developing strength of character. It forces us to question our motives and many times we come back stronger than before.

With this in mind, I’d like you to look at your relationship to success. Consider one or two areas where you feel winning is important. Is it through a current relationship? Your career? Sports or academic? Ask yourself: What do I hope to accomplish by winning? Is it to improve my self-esteem? What will this bring to my life in the long run? Who do I hope to become as a result of winning? Try to get to the heart of why it is important to win. I assure you that once you understand your motivations, winning and losing can become part of the same ideal where losing is not the final destination. Losing offers us the wisdom of growth and expansion because winning can lead to complacency. When we understand our reason for winning, we accept winning with more grace and losing does not have to affect our self-esteem but rather reinforce it.