Sometimes I hear from wives who have found out that their husband has had an emotional affair. Most of the time, the husband will insist that nothing physical and inappropriate happened. He may even tell you that he is not attracted to this other woman.

But of course, wives have their doubts about it. Many wives worry that an emotional affair is actually the precursor to a physical affair.

A wife might ask, “Does my husband having an emotional affair with a co-worker mean he is in love with her? I saw an email between them that made me feel uncomfortable, so I went through all the emails between them. It’s obvious that it was an emotional affair. There is no indication that they ever got together physically or outside of work. But they clearly depend on each other emotionally and tell each other things about their families, their marriages, and their hopes and dreams. There are some very personal things in these emails. When I confronted my husband he said they were just good friends. I insisted it was more than that. And then I quoted some of the emails and my husband turned bright red. He was clearly embarrassed and embarrassed and finally got him to admit that it was essentially an emotional and inappropriate affair, so I asked my husband if he was in love with the other woman and if he wanted anything more. His answer was no. , he just enjoyed her friendship and that he is not even remotely attracted to her. I looked her up on the internet, and frankly, she’s not even that pretty. So I want to believe my husband. But it’s difficult. Why would I put all this time and effort into the relationship if it’s just going to be a friendship?”

I understand your preocupation. I agree with you. If a man is satisfying his needs for another person, even if they are not physical or sexual needs, it is going to damage his marriage. And if these needs are met in secret, trust is eroded.

I am by no means an expert. I can only tell you what I see and hear based on correspondence and research. Many affairs begin as emotional ties. The two people have no intention of cheating, but instead grow closer and closer until there comes a point where they have the opportunity or desire to take it even further. This doesn’t always happen, of course, but even once is too many.

Understand the difference between the appropriate and inappropriate employment relationship: I can’t tell you that there are no emotional issues that remain strictly emotional in nature. There is. Sometimes, as time goes on, one or both of them realize that they really aren’t compatible. Or the relationship eventually stops providing the emotional reward. These relationships will usually end naturally and not progress.

And it is possible that two co-workers of the opposite sex are just friends. I have had male mentors in the past. And there was absolutely nothing inappropriate in these relationships. In today’s workplace, people are required to work closely together to do a good job. But sometimes it’s obvious when this crosses the line. And the fact that her husband was embarrassed by the emails could be a sign that she definitely crossed the line. If your spouse is not welcome to listen in on phone calls or read emails between you and your coworkers, then this is a red flag.

Here is another thing to consider. Sometimes people who have had physical affairs will fully admit that the “other person” is not their type. They will admit that the other person is not as attractive as her spouse, but that it was not physical attraction that drew them to the other person, but something else.

People sometimes relate a connection that isn’t just about sex. Or they will tell you that they felt understood and appreciated by the other person. The truth is that people cheat for both emotional and physical reasons. Therefore, just because you are not wildly attracted to the other woman does not always mean that there will not be a physical relationship in the future.

Safeguarding Your Marriage: So how do you make sure this relationship doesn’t get physical? You work on your marriage and try to make sure that your husband feels connected to you. And you try to make sure that he understands what is inappropriate in the relationship and why.

This isn’t always possible, but it’s ideal if your husband can work in another department or with someone else so you don’t always have to be together. If this is not possible, try to meet your husband for lunch and visit him from time to time. Allow the other woman to see you and know that you are a great reality. And encourage your husband to come straight home after work.

Counseling can also be very beneficial here. Anything you can do to make your marriage your preferred place to meet your emotional needs is important. I cannot stress this enough. You cannot control what happens between your husband and the other woman while you are both at work. But you can control what happens between the two of you at home. You can fight for your marriage if that’s what you want.

But to answer the original question, an emotional affair doesn’t always mean that your husband is in love with the other woman. But I think most people would agree that it’s a very legitimate cause for concern. It is not something to ignore. Because sometimes, it’s the precursor to a physical affair if it doesn’t stop.