“Get naked before you get involved and make a commitment to someone because there is no going back once you are there.” These were the words given to all the participants of the couple when my wife and I had our prenuptial seminar taught by a parish worker at a local church where our wedding will be solemnized. The room was filled with laughter as I replied, “I thought undressing comes after the wedding ceremony?”
These words, although rhetorical, are as important as what an African proverb says: “Before you get married, keep both eyes open and after you get married, close one eye.”
Before you get involved and commit to someone, don’t let lust, despair, or pressure from others blind you to warning signs. You and your partner have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, and dreams. Keep both eyes open and don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can change someone during the course of your marriage. Before you commit, take some time to observe the person who will become a part of your life. The more you open your eyes to assess their quality, respect, love, and truth, the easier it will be for you to decide who sits next to you while you watch your favorite TV show.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time, your flaws and vulnerabilities will become more obvious. But if you love your partner and want the relationship to grow and evolve to the next level, you have to learn to close one eye and not let the little things bother you. However, these flaws can turn into an asset depending on how each of you complements the other. Neither one is perfect, but they can be perfect for each other depending on how one completes the other. Look at the space in the fingers of your hand. Do you know what that gap means? Those spaces are meant to be complemented by the hand of your partner.
Marriage is accepting the person for what they are and not how you expect them to be. The partners are two imperfect but unique children of God who have decided to share a life together. And despite these imperfections that were seen by both eyes before marriage, closing one eye after the will allows you to see not these imperfections, but that person who shared the altar with you when you said: “Yes, I do.”