The last decades of the 20th century have witnessed the glorification and adoration of Youth Culture. The ubiquitous Yuppies have taken over the world by storm. They are knowledgeable, incredibly dynamic, prodigiously intelligent, powerful, and ambitious. This, together with the sexual revolution, the obsession with masculine and feminine beauty, the various nuances of feminism and the instantaneous dissemination of information, has caused a “cultural tremor” that has given the broad stratum of middle-aged people a feeling of unsafety. The midlife crisis as a disease in men has been recognized since the 20th century.
Carl Jung, in his book “Modern man in search of his soul”, compares the phases of life with the progress of the sun through the skies, from east to west. He places middle age between the ages of 35 to 50, and calls it the noon of one’s existence. It can be an exciting time in life with great opportunities, if people are not terrified of the aging process. It should be received as a period of discovery and not as a period of stagnation or disintegration. It requires changes in lifestyles, character, and convictions. Immature responses lead to wise decisions. The transition period lasts as long as it takes to reorient life and order values. It can be between three and five years.
By being aware of the changes that can occur in men and women, it is necessary to be psychologically prepared and recognize symptoms when they occur so that a turbulent crisis can be avoided.
“People who prepare for a fire are more likely to survive than those who do not,” said one sage. And the British psychoanalyst Elliot Jacques assures us that creative people like Goethe, Beethoven, Voltaire and Ibsen have gone through middle-aged disorders.
But for those who are unprepared, middle age can catch them off guard. One fine day, on his brisk morning walk, a man may discover that he has been reached by other young men and that he simply cannot reach it; Or your mirror may reveal the hint of graying at the temples or a receding hairline; Or when street children insist on calling him “uncle”, he suddenly realizes that the big “C” has arrived. A man who has prided himself on his “macho” image reacts like a person facing imminent death. Go through the different stages of denial, anger, depression, and find ways and means to slow down the aging process. Sudden heart attacks triggered by extreme anxiety are known to increase in your early forties.
A drop in the hormonal level and a decrease in sexual vigor creates a kind of desperation that makes you behave abnormally. You can get too picky about your grooming, wear fancy clothes, invest in a flashy car, or even indulge in teen activities like going clubbing. This is a time when he may fall headlong into an extramarital affair with a girl young enough to be his daughter, because his admiration and need for him increases his sagging self-esteem. This is the classic “Sugar-Daddy” syndrome, in which, through the eyes of nubile girls, you feel young again. He becomes immune to the giggles of those around him. He perceives his married life as dull and boring. Almost 25% of divorces occur in this critical period. Spouses get hurt and families disintegrate because of this blatant violation of sexual fidelity. When the heat of adventure dies down, he realizes that his marriage has been irretrievably broken and he has nowhere to run for comfort. And so, you can move from one issue to another, or turn to drink or drugs to calm your low spirits.
Bergler calls it “Second Emotional Adolescence.” Sometimes a middle-aged man can become sexually aware of his own teenage daughter. So self-hatred, remorse, shame, and guilt bother him.
Those who remain in the marriage may find little satisfaction. They can become moody and irritable, and spoil the peaceful atmosphere in the home, teasing their poor wives through no fault of their own.
This is also a stage in which man feels trapped between two generations, each of which burdens him with responsibilities. Growing children, on the one hand, who want to assert their own independence and have difficulty relating to parents, and on the other, dependent elderly relatives who crave constant attention.
At work, professional life may have stalled, with no prospect of further promotion; Or you may be overwhelmed by so much responsibility that you don’t have time for family and personal life; Or the competition from younger, more informed and creative colleagues may be so fierce that you are kept under constant stress.
And finally, he faces his own mortality. Arthritis, bifocals, diabetes, hypertension, and other illnesses make life uncomfortable.
Thus, several stressors converge on a man in middle age, so much so that it has been estimated that almost 75-80% of men between 35-50 years suffer from problems of middle age in this century.
Transitions can be positive when planned correctly. According to Freud, man has two basic needs: work and love, and Dr. Joyce Brothers says that work takes precedence over love.
This is the time for a man to review and modify the goals he has set for himself. If you’ve been a workaholic, you need to slow down and spend quality time with your wife and kids. Sometimes, to your dismay, you may find that it is too late to forge a meaningful relationship with your children. They may no longer be on the same wavelength. They may even view your sudden interest in them with suspicion.
If you feel like changing jobs, you should plan well and discuss it with your family, as you will need their moral support. Many middle-aged people feel an internal compulsion to shed the security of a stable job for something they have always wanted to do, but did not dare. Many writers and artists feel this need. Doctors have given up lucrative jobs to pick up the pen. Gaugin at 35, left a secure banking job to dedicate himself to painting. Then he became a great impressionist painter.
Another great way to insure midlife against a turbulent crisis is to build a strong marital relationship. Contemporary culture has devalued the institution of marriage and sexual fidelity. However, most of society’s ills can be traced to unhappy and unstable home situations.
“Good marriages don’t happen at the wedding ceremony. They develop over the years, through long hours of doubt and despair, adjustments and compromises,” says a psychologist. This peaks in middle age, when stress on one or both partners affects each other. The strength of a marriage lies in the ability to understand a partner’s negativity and deal with it patiently. A wife will not only understand her husband’s problem, but will listen to him, encourage him to talk about his hopes and aspirations, and assess and redefine his values if necessary. The man who feels secure in marriage will not hesitate to communicate his needs and his fears to his spouse. Similarly, a husband will be a tower of strength for his wife, who may be going through the midlife crisis.
Several fears seize a middle-aged man. Fear of impotence and failure
an erection creates anxiety, a bad mood, and sometimes a quiet withdrawal from sex. Aging can decrease the frequency of your sexual needs. He begins to fear that his wife will take an interest in other men. The media casts modern women as insatiable, and this in turn inhibits it. Extramarital affairs to save your self image are signs of a malfunctioning marriage. A good wife will not remain complacent. She will understand the turmoil within her husband and will be quick to reassure him with her support and cooperation. It is not the sex that drives a man away, but the lack of intimacy. If an affair develops during this critical period, it does not mean that the marriage should end. Couples who love each other deeply are willing to forgive, especially when the offending couple regrets and is ashamed of what happened. Discovering adventure will rob you of your glamor and excitement, and act as a future deterrent. It is more important to discover the cause of the infidelity and to remedy it.
Sex life doesn’t stop in middle age. On the contrary, it improves, because there is a new release of inhibitions. Couples can shamelessly discuss the intimate aspects of the relationship. Only the rhythm and pattern can change. In youth, a man climaxes in a matter of minutes, and many wives are frustrated and sexually dissatisfied. But in middle age, when arousal is slow and erectile response weakens, a woman will have enough of a chance to climax with her husband, because she spends more time on foreplay and tenderness. A verbal expression of mutual feelings, a hug or a touch can generate physical satisfaction, more than the act itself. A “sexual revolution” is possible even at this age. Couples who value their sexual activity discover new aspects of each other and can choose sexual practices to experiment with. A sense of humor and the freedom to explore can keep a partner sexually active well into old age. Comedian Woody Allen, the elder Casanova, says that out of 56 sexual positions, only eight can be achieved without laughing.
Middle age also sees a slight alteration in individual roles. A man softens as he gets older. Having reached the peak of his career, he now yearns for closeness to his wife and family. He expects his wife to behave like a friend, loving and caring. However, a wife who has spent her best years caring for her family, sacrificing her own needs, now becomes confident and assertive, and wants her own space to grow. You can even look for career options outside of your home. As she becomes more assertive, her husband becomes less dominant. As her latent masculine features emerge, feminine aspects such as sensitivity and tenderness come to the fore in her husband. Thus a new balance of roles is achieved in all aspects of their lives. Values and beliefs change. They are interested in new friends and new pleasures.
Middle age can be a very special time. It opens our eyes to areas of our lives that have not been lived satisfactorily and gives us the opportunity to reorient our personalities. With an understanding partner by our side, who is not only our best friend, but is deeply committed to marriage, we should never fear middle age.